Overthinking and over analyzing are my specialties. If there’s anyone who’s always thinking of the worst case scenario before it even happens, it’s me. I’m the kind of person who weighs the pros and cons to every decision I make. I think of the consequences of my actions, even if those consequences may occur waaaayyy down the line. I’m inwardly always worrying about something. It can get very frustrating because sometimes I would like to just go about my days without a care in the world. If it’s not one thing, it’s another and I’ve somewhat learned to accept that it’s who I am, and it’s not all that bad sometimes. But when my thoughts attack, they attack hard. It can be really difficult to remain positive and optimistic. I’m constantly writing lists, racking my brain of everything I need to do and remember because that is literally the only way my brain feels any sense of comfort. I’m also always writing down reminders for myself to relax, breathe, be happy & to remember that everything will be okay. You know, I understand that I’m young and a lot of the “worries” I seem to have can be considered trivial compared to the real-life worries I’ll have to overcome in the “real world,” but what many people, including myself need to realize that our thoughts and feelings, about whatever they may be, are valid. Sure, I’m not worrying about paying rent right now. I’m not worrying about whether or not my son or daughter will have a ride to school tomorrow. I’m worried about if I’ll have time to get ANY amount of sleep in between jobs. I’m worried about how busy my schedule is and if I’ll have time for homework. I’m worried about not seeing my family enough and then suddenly missing out on all the important stuff. I’m worried about time moving too fast and I can’t keep up. I get so angry at the world for forcing me to meet the expectations that society has placed on young people. I’m not saying I’m lazy, but I spend every minute of my time working. Working for what? Money, yes. But I’d rather spend a day with my mom or hanging out with my little brother before he starts moving on with his life after high school. There’s so much more to this life than work and I’m constantly feeling like I’m drowning and my feet can’t catch a break.
But there are good days. Really good days. There are days I wake up, fully rested and thankful for my health and to have a roof over my head. There are so many blessings that I’m blind to and that I need to start recognizing. I wake up knowing my parents are just down the hall. My brother is silently dreaming his own world just one wall away. My dog is blissfully awaiting whoever will play with him and my cats are just never tired. Some days I get ahead with my homework and it feels good to be able to sleep knowing I worked hard enough to sleep thoroughly. I also have a job. I actually have two. And they’re both really fun, so I consider that to be another blessing. I’ve heard of too many people hating their job. While mine are only temporary until I get my degree, I’m pretty darn happy about where I am. There is always a bright side. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel and it’s only through pain and struggle does one grow and develop and learn. What exactly am I getting at here? I’m not sure. I kinda just ranted a whole lot but what I’m trying to say is that although it may seem like things are bleak and hopeless; it’s important to understand that everything truly will be okay and things will look up eventually. There’s always sunshine after every rain storm, but every storm should be a lesson. Keep growing, keep feeling, keep doing your thing even if you hit some bumps in the road. Things aren’t as bad as they may seem in your head. So keep your head up, you’re doing a great job.