Do you ever just have these moments when everything seems to change around you and your mind instantly starts operating in a different way, almost commanding your mind to think in a different way that sets you on a different path than you expected in the first place? These moments happen to me all the time. I find myself often in places I didn’t anticipate and it’s because I can’t fucking control myself. Self-destruction is my speciality. I mean, I guess it doesn’t have to be particularly bad; but today was no fuckin less. In the middle of class, I became super restless and was willing to do anything to get out of that room. I needed to just breathe and get away. I’ve been asking myself a lot of questions lately- questions I indeed know I have no answers for, but I do it anyway. I drive myself nuts with the way my mind works and most of the time I think of it as a curse than a blessing.
I overanalyze everything and I place constraints on myself for absolutely no reason. I tend to create my own challenges and although sometimes I get stubborn with this and conclude that I wouldn’t have it any other way, sometimes I just wish I had a different brain.
Most of the time I don’t even know what I’m thinking about, I’m mostly overwhelmed with emotion and it masks every ounce of sensibility I have. I can become emotional about anything really and it can take its toll.
I just wish I could stop causing problems for myself and just keep trudging forward. I know its something I have to work on, which indeed I try to every day but it’s harder than you’d imagine.
Cheers to over thinking, my friends!