and then i’m torn. i’m torn between saving myself from any possible pain or letting it come as it may. because the latter is what adds some color to life. sometimes trying to protect yourself is boring and although it sounds like the smart thing to do, it’s very safe and lipid. letting life happen allows room for growth, development, and memories. it can be a risk to let stuff happen to you, or just let stuff happen as it may because there’s the idea of wasted time and that’s definitely something i ponder constantly. i want to feel things, i want to learn from any and every mistake i make. but i also don’t want to waste months or years on meaningless relationships because there’s really no point. so i have to decide what i want to do. be safe and bored, or waste time feeling every emotion on the spectrum.